Will It Suck? Sexy Cygnet Edition…

So this is one of the few posts left in the rundown to the new site. I’ll be revamping the site for 2011, so stand by for a few changes. Anyway, here’s the latest installment of the “Will It Suck?” series, the feature that judges movies on the strength of the trailer alone. On a personal note, I’m thinking of keeping this feature, even though it started out as a gag space-filler…like a ball-gag fills the space between a clown’s teeth.

Anyway…

The Black Swan

The Black Swan is a psychological thriller starring Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Vincent Cassell – and is set in the white-knuckle, cut-throat world…of ballet. Wait. What?

So, will it suck?

A better question would be: are you mental? Did you not see Mila Kunis making out with Natalie Portman? Jesus Marimba! That alone has pulled this flick right to the top of my must-see list. Actually, watching Ms Kunis making out with anyone would be reason to watch a flick. Hell, she could make out with a tent-pole and I’d pay to watch it.

What’s that you say? Of course, I’ll insert a gratuitous shot of Ms Kunis.

Amen.

You’re welcome.

Also, it’s also got Vincent Cassel in it, a goddamned rockstar of an actor and probably the the poster child for ice-cool Gallic awesomeness.

Sang froid motherfucker...

Seriously. This guy is like the kind of cool that you can only dream of. And he gets to sleep next to this every night…

....

That’s Monica Belluci. Yes. Yes, I know. No, you can’t get any. In fact, no-one can touch this guy – ¬†because there is no-one in this man’s league of cool. They had to create a league just for him – and he’s like the MVP every year because no-one can touch this guy. Plus the trailer just looks like the trippy kind of awesomeness that’ll fuck with your dreams for days afterward…like eating cheese before you go sleep.

So yeah…Go watch The Black Swan because it will so not suck…and anyone who says otherwise is a kitty-killing, godless Communist who parks in handicap bays.

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