Fresh Hell (on Earth)…

Continuing the theme of creative masturbation dressed up as advertising, may I present the Timberland Earthkeepers’ ad? Hit play and prepare to experience the ATL equivalent of having someone blow their wad on your face

Now you know why pornstars get paid as much as they do.

Sea monsters, angels, gondoliers…the presentation must have set the world record for the largest collective Dutch Rudder attempt. Seriously. What the hell does this have to do with shoes? Do I care if they’re 100% recycled material? Not really. I want to know if they look good, keep my feet warm and won’t break after 2 days of wearing them.

Keep the pseudo-philosophy for your less-than-intelligent cousins. Really. All I want to know is that I won’t look like a douche if I wear your shoes and that they’re cooler than your competitor. Lie to me…but don’t treat me like an idiot…

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